FLIRTY OR FRIENDLY?
hi life guru,
i have a friend who happens to be a flirt. i don't know if i'm jealous of her, but i get mad whenever boys stare at her. the thing is, some of the boys that i dumped courted her afterwards. i know that this sounds insane, but i don't like it. she only likes texting boys and flirting with them. i think the boys think she is kind because that's what she's pretending to be in front of them.
i don't what i should do to her. i'm thinking that if i tell her this, she will think that i am jealous of her. i believe that all of these are nonsense, and besides, i'm a Christian and i shouldn't act this way.
there's so much to say, but there it is...
what do you think i should do??
brenda
Hi, Brenda,
Flirting to some may be friendliness to others. I can't really confirm if your friend is a flirt or not by the way you described her in your e-mail. So boys stare at her. Does that make her a flirt? Nah. She's probably just attractive. So she likes to text boys. Does that make her a flirt? No. She's just a text addict, most likely. Or one of the boys.
Flirting is, loosely put, a deliberate attempt to get the attention of someone in the hopes of hooking up with them later on. Being attractive is not flirting. That's good genes. Dressing up sexy, now that could be flirting.
It could all probably be in your head. It's possible that she comes off a big flirt to you because she's getting along well with the boys you dumped. It's natural for most everyone to feel a little threatened or freaked out when the people they dump start to go after their friends. There's a little territorial assertion coming into play as well. But you need to remember that you've ended it with these boys, so what they do afterwards or who they go after is not yours to decide anymore.
Another possibility is that you're probably insecure of her. She gets all the guys' attention, is more popular, and is likely more outgoing than you are. Which then translates to a defense in your head of, "she's a flirt, that's why she gets the guys' attention". No need to feel threatened about her, Brenda. We all have strengths and weaknesses, good points and bad ones. If you asked her point blank right now, she will definitely have insecurities of her own too.
Now, if she really is a flirt, it's your prerogative as a friend to tell her that it bothers you. I don't know how close you two are to each other, but basically the bluntness of your confrontation would depend on your relationship. Try to ask her first why she is overly friendly with the guys, and why she only texts them and not, well, girls (it's probably because she realizes that boys open up more through techno-communication channels). You might find out that she just doesn't have a lot of male influences in her life, so she craves that time and attention from the opposite gender.
Judging someone based solely on their external behavior is hardly reliable. People sometimes act out differently from what they feel inside, as a way of coping with their own fears and weaknesses. So make sure you at least get to hear their side, before putting a label on them for the rest of your time together.
Hope you picked up something.
Good luck,
The LIfe Guru
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